Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Dating Files

So I promised a while back that I would update this about my dating life. Now seems as good of time as any to do this because:
A)    I don’t feel like doing work
B)    I just wrote a post, so I am actually thinking about the Blog for once
and
C)    I just got “dumped” (if you can be dumped without really dating) by the guy I was sort of seeing
I joined match.com a few months ago upon recommendation from one of my friends here at Fort Eustis. She was messing around with the free features of the site on day, and then decided to join. After she did, I decided why not.  After all, if everyone is doing it, I might as well. So I think I joined around the beginning of March. I talk to a couple guys on the site and, after careful consideration, decide to go on a date with a guy that I have been texting for about a week.
Guy #1
            So guy #1’s name is Preston. He looks fairly safe from his profile pictures. He’s in the Navy and enjoys golfing. He’s cute but not overly hot. I decide this is a good guy to test the blind date thing on because I won’t be as nervous as if he was super hot or something. We decide to meet up at a place in Virginia Beach that has a bunch of beers on tap and supposedly really good food. Sounds perfect to me. We decide on a random Friday night (in fact it is the Friday before St. Patrick’s Day).
            Of course, I am flipping out before the date. I don’t know what the fuck to wear or how I will pick him out of the crowd or what we will talk about. I almost cancel about 5 times. This is serious neurotic freak out. Somehow, I manage to put together an outfit and get my ass in my car. I bring along a mug of coffee (because I am dead tired from the work week) with a splash of Bailey’s (more to make me feel calm that to even affect met). Along the way, I hyperventilate a bit, call Emilia, reassure myself, and finally make it to VA Beach.
            Meeting him is not as awkward as one would think. We meet outside the restaurant, so we can pick each other out. When we go inside, the Lehigh-Duke game is on so immediately I have a fall back to talk about. This is good. We order beers, picking out the drink for the other person. It’s actually a super cute ritual because you get to try a new beer, as well as impress the other person with your beer knowledge. He def got bonus points for this.
            I don’t really remember the conversation at this point, but I know that it was super laid back and easy. At the end of the date, we have an awkward hug and I scurry off to my car. When I say scurry, I mean scurry. I do NOT want to stick around for the awkward kiss. Nope. Overall a great date, but then he made his mistake. (Aside: on my way home from the date, my GRANDMOTHER drunk dials me about Lehigh beating Duke. Probably the funniest moment of the whole night because I could barely understand her other than hearing her slur about Lehigh).
            The next day is St. Patrick’s Day. My friends and I have epic plans to go to the Norfolk parade at 8 am and get wasted. I had mentioned these plans to Preston the night before and apparently he took it as an open invite. Around 1 pm, while my friends and I are trashed at some bar, Preston shows up. This displeases drunk Meagan. I feel smothered, and so logically ignore him. Yeah, I know, pretty damn rude, but I was drunk and not thinking logically. Not to mention my myriad of commitment issues. All I can think of is, “Oh shit. He’s following me.” So I grab one of my friends, and we pretty much just leave. Apparently he hung out with my other friends for a while and then eventually went home.
            Now I feel bad about all of that. All my other friends said he seemed like a nice guy. But if I were being honest, I wasn’t that attracted to him in the first place. He’s a great guy, but I really had no physical attraction to him. Call me shallow, but you have to have at least some chemistry with a person to start a relationship. So after St. Patty’s Day, he texted me a couple more times, but we basically just stopped texting.
 Guy #2
            This situation is a little more drawn out that Preston. Bob emailed me shortly after the whole Preston debacle. I think it was less than a week later.  And after texting a bit, we decide to meet in person. Guess where Bob picks to meet? Yeah, the same place I met Preston. Guess it’s a hot date spot. Also, guess what Bob does for a living? That’s right, he’s a Navy Officer. The similarities were kind of uncanny. Oh well. Bob seems nice and sweet and cute, so we will give it a shot.
            I wasn’t nearly as nervous for this date, as I was for the one with Preston. I think because I had just been on one, plus I was on familiar ground. So the initial introduction goes fine. He’s cute. A little preppy but cute. It turns out that he went to the Naval Academy and graduated with my friend Allison. So we had that to talk about. The conversation isn’t as smooth as it was with Preston, but it’s not too awkward. Afterwards, he walks me back to my car because we are parked close, but instead of doing the awkward lingering I just get in and drive away. Kisses are fine on the first date, but I really don’t feel like dealing with awkward, so I avoid it at all costs.

            So after the first date at the end of March, it is Easter and I go to Florida with my family. We continue to text all the time, and I realize that he’s really great. The unfortunate (or maybe fortunate) part is that he leaves on a 5 week training exercise as soon as I get back from Easter break. We agree to email while he’s away, and he texts when there is service. I enjoy the whole long distance thing, as I don’t feel smothered. Although, every now and then he’ll say things like, “I miss you so much. I can’t wait until we are together again.” This freaks me out a little because we’ve only had one date, but whatever. He’s away, so I’m good.

            So Bob gets back from his cruise right before Mother’s Day. I am gone that weekend as well as the next one (for Bamboozle, which is a crazy story within itself. I’m not sure if I even want to share the details of that one in print). I feel bad about being so busy, but he’s super understanding about it all. We continue to talk everyday through all of this time. The weekend I get back from Bamboozle is Memorial Day (so I have a 4 day). I want to go home for a family picnic, but I decide that I’ve haven’t seen Bob in forever and we really need to go on date #2 if we are going to go anywhere (not to mention he is deploying in July, so we should really spend time together if we have any chance of staying together).
            I tell my family I already have plans and can’t go to the picnic, and then Bob and I make arrangements. He had duty Friday, so that day was out (which is good because I needed a night of recovery from all the activity). We make plans to go out Saturday. He was going to come up here, but I decide I'd rather go down there because there's more to do and a lot of places up here are rather ghetto (he wanted to go bowling, but I’m sure the Newport News bowling alley is bad news). We decide I'll come down around 530 Saturday.

So Saturday, I chill by the pool most of the day. At 3 I realize that he hasn't texted me at all which is strange. He normally texts me constantly. So I text him "Hey what's up." He gives me a one word answer, but I don't think much of it. After chilling at the pool, I go shower, shave, paint my nails, do my hair, do my makeup, get dress. I go all out. He's a really sweet guy, and I want to impress him. At 430 I still haven’t gotten any texts from him other than the one word answer. So I text him, "hey what's the plan?" because we never decided where we were meeting. At 515 he responds, "I'm just going to stay here family friends are in town." So I respond "Um, do you want to do something another time? I was getting ready to leave." All he says is, "OK." I haven't heard a word from him since.

Now normally I wouldn't care, but he knew I was supposed to be going to a family picnic Saturday but I decided to stay to go out with him. If he knew he had friends coming into town he could have told me to just go to my picnic. OR if he had let me know before 530 at night, I could have also made it. He never apologized about bailing or anything. I literally was all dressed up with nowhere to go. Of course, I call my parents crying about not being there and ask if I can drive up late (which they say is def not worth it). So I curl into a ball with my Ben and Jerrys and feel sorry for myself.

And since then, I haven't had a single text or call from him, and like I said before, we literally have talked every single day for the past 2 months.WHAT THE FUCK. I was so angry this weekend. No explanation, no nothing. And he made me miss a weekend with my family by not telling me before. So I did the logical thing and layed on my couch feeling sorry for myself all of Sunday and Monday. I feel much better now.



Shot


So I had to go to the Orthopedic Doctor today because my hamstring has been bothering me since NOVEMEBER and nothing had helped it. The doctor says he's going to give me a cortisone shot. Okay. I guess....

Well, I wouldn't have minded except I asked the nurse if it was going to hurt. He said, "I have no idea. I have never ever seen him do this on a hamstring." Cool that was reassuring. So then the doctor comes back into the room, and I ask him if it's going to hurt. He says, "uhh umm well yeah. I can only numb the top layer of the skin and it is going much deeper than that." YIKES. So I ask if it's going to be quick like a shot. He says "uhhh ummm not exactly." What the fuck kind of answer was that. Every single time I ask a question he goes "ummm uhhh" like we are talking about resetting a fucking bone without anesthesia. So of course by this time I am completely fucking flipped out. I am wearing these lovely scrub shorts they gave me to put on (literally they looked like an oversized diaper) so they can get to my upper hamstring without seeing my underwear I guess. I looked retarded with my ACU top and these blue paper short things on.

So basically, I'm laying there on the exam table in my fucking fashion statement, flipped out because my doctor made it sound like we are going to have pain on the level of giving birth. Not to mention I can't see anything because  I'm on my stomach. For all I know, he could have had a chain saw back there or been getting ready to shove a needle in my thigh the size of a marker. Literally these are the images going through my mind at that point. They start putting this numbing shit on the top of my skin which feels hot and cold at the same time. So I completely tense up and start biting my ACU top expecting him to start carving into my skin any minute. I feel a small pinch, but I assume that they are still putting that god awful numbing shit on. Then he says something about how does that feel, and I'm like "can we please just get this over with." And he's like, "oh we are done already." WHAT??? You little fucker. That didn't hurt at all. In fact, it hurt less than a normal shot because you put that stupid numbing stuff on my skin. Completely unnecessary. I do not appreciate you acting like this is going to be the worst fucking procedure in the world when in reality it hurt less than someone pinching me. You must have the lowest pain tolerance ever.

Afterwards:

Doctor: No activity for a couple weeks
Me: What's a couple of weeks
Doctor: 2-3
Me: What about swimming
Doctor: No. You have to push off and we can't risk aggravating things.
Me: What about biking
Doctor (giving me a funny look): No
Me: What about elliptical
Doctor: No. You can't do anything
Me: What about lifting
Doctor: I guess if you don't use your legs at all
Me: What about walking on the treadmill
Doctor: No. You can't do anything for at least 2 weeks other than going for a leisurely stroll
Me: HMPH