MRI fun

So for those of you that don't know, my heart is broken. Like litterally. I went to the doctor in November because I pulled my hampstring, and he was like you have a heart murmur. And I was like, no you are supposed to be looking at my hampstring. Fail.

So he made me go to the cardiologist when is at some huge Naval hospital in Portsmouth. When I say huge, I'm talking this thing looks like a Mall of America or something. There are like 5 separate buildings with connectors, parking garages, food, shops. WTF kind of hospital is this. So I had to go get an ultrasound of my heart (I told the tech to check out my tummy too for my little one, but he didn't find that funny). This was all back in December, and the cardiologist said I had a pulmonic stenosis heart murmur and possibly a VSD (a tear between valves). He thinks that there is a grove right outside the valve that goes from my heart to my lungs that restricts blood flow there. He asked me if I got out of breath running. I countered with doesn't everyone? He said more than normal. And I said if my heart has been like this all my life, then that is normal to me. Score one for Meagan.

Anyways he needed me to get a cardiac MRI for confirmation of this. He asked if I That's fine. I love MRIs. I've had them for my shoulder, and basically it is scheduled nap time. You go in a tube for like an hour and sleep while there's soothing clicking all around.

So happy Meagan (who doesn't care about the heart thing because if I did a triathalon this summer, surely there can't be that much wrong with my heart) goes to get this cardiac MRI yesterday. I arrive (after getting lost in the fucking hospital maze and almost being late) and change into the stylish hospital gown. Then they take me into this room and bring out their GIGANTIC needles. I was like, excuse me, what the hell are those. They say those have the "contrast dye for my heart." Now, I start sweating. I've had a contrast MRI in my shoulder, but they just inserted it with a nice small needle. These were huge. Finally after panicing for for a few miniutes, they explain that they are going to insert an IV into me and the huge needles will go into the IV bag. Fine. I can deal with one small needle.

So they insert the IV (which freaking hurts), and tell me I can move my arms around to get ready to go in the tube. I'm like, nah, I'm good. I don't want to move with a needle in my arm. It takes them 10 miniutes to convince me that the IV is actually just a plastic piece in your arm. The needle was just in a second to puncture the skin, and then they take it out. Fine. I move my arm minutely, but it hurts with nasty plastic in it.

So then they are like, have you gone to the bathroom? I'm like yeah I'm good. They say you better be because its going to be a few hours. HAHAHAHA. Good one I say, the longest MRI I have heard of is an hour. They aren't laughing. They say they need so many images that it takes a "couple hours." Displeased, I asked them to define a couple and they say usually 2-4 but maybe longer. WTF, 2-4 hours trapped in the tube. Fine, 2-4 hour nap I say. This is good. Ooops, we forgot to tell you this is an interactive MRI. For cardiac MRIs, they can only take the images when there is no air in your chest and you aren't breathing. So throughout the whole test, you have to constantly listen to the cues to breath in, out, then hold your breath. NO SLEEPING.

So disgruntled Meagan is less than pleased to get on the MRI table, but whatever. THEN they strap down my arms because they will be pumping things through my IV and can't risk me messing it up. Also, they put all the EKG heart monitors over my chest and a huge lead plate. Basically, I can't move at all, and they haven't even put me in the tube yet. Suffice to say, I am slightly apprehensive of this now.

So finally, they put me in the tube and start. I can see how someone who was even slightly claustraphopic would freak out. Especially being strapped down, you are litterally trapped in a tube that you are all the way inside. I decide that if I had to, I could wiggle out the top or bottom, so I don't panic. However, if I were a fat person, I would certainly be nervous. I wonder to myself if they have a fat person MRI tube because I know people that couldn't fit in there.

The test proceeds for god knows how long. No clock in the room, so I have no idea. They keep having me hold my breath, so every time I start to doze off, I'm awaken by the annoying voice in the tube saying breath in, breath out, hold your breath. Grr. The worst part was when they pumped the dye in, because they push it in really fast and you can feel it going up your arm inside. It feels cold and gross. Plus, the IV leaked a little, and I was like uhhhh, guys? It's leaking. But of course, no one could hear me. I felt like a moron talking to myself. There is a mic inside, but they can only hear you inbetween tests.

So after 3 or so hours, they come in and take me out of the tube (damn my body was cramped from not moving for 3 hours). They said they had 1 more test to run, but its just a "phantom." Basically they have me stand next to the machine which they run it in the tube empty to I guess use it as a base of comparison for when I was in it. As I'm standing next to the machine, I feel woozy (that's the only word I can think to describe it). I felt like I did before I passed out at sorority initiation. But of course, no one can hear me while the test is going on. So I try to keep from falling over or throwing up. Finally someone walks in, and I'm like I don't feel well. Which they ignore, so I say it louder and they bring a chair over for me. I promptly fall into it and get tunnel vision. Then everythign goes black, but I can still hear and sense everything. I kept trying to open my eyes, but they already were open. I ask if anyone turned out the lights, but then my vision comes back in a tunnel and then fully.

I asked the tech WTF just happen, as he seemed rather unconcered that I blacked out for a couple seconds. In fact, he was just walking around setting up the machine. He said that oftentimes, when you are in the magnetic machine for an extended period of time, you will get naseous or pass out. It's really strong. UHHHH THANKS FOR THE WARNING.

Then once I can stand, he's all like you can go change and leave. You should maybe pick up a red bull on the way out. You look tired. Uhh, no making sure that this machine didn't like permanately damage me? Or seeing if I'm okay to drive? Guess not. Interesting.

I also forgot to mention that this Tech was a large black man who looked like he could play linebacker in the NFL and the guy who ran my MRI looked like the mad professor from Back to the Future. Fun times.

So I drive home and nap. Because that machine made me feel icky. All better now, but no longer will I think all MRIs are "fun mandatory naptime."